Confide in us your worries and unanswered queries, we're here to help. To send VOW your questions scroll to bottom and fill out the form.
|
Dear VOW Flustered in Fayetteville!? |
Dear V.O.W.,
Help! I have a 12 yr. old terrier mix named Fully-loaded (full name Fully Loaded With Sour Cream and Chives Plus Baco-Bits and Butter and Cheddar. I plan on showing him someday.), who is a complete and “udder” Titty-Baby! It wouldn’t be so bad, but Fully-loaded, on top of being needy, is also fully loaded with some serious ‘tude! How do I get my little buddy to respect my authority?
Sincerely,
Flustered in Fayetteville
Dear Flustered,
We here at V.O.W. are dog-lovers one and all, so this question is right up our alley. Might we suggest euthanasia? Much like children, once dogs reach a certain age, they stop learning altogether, and therefore, under some circumstances, it might be a good idea to hit the ol’ reset button and try again. Animal shelters are full of timid, beaten dogs that, though they are slow to learn, will usually just hide in corners, quivering in terror. This is a very well-behaved animal.
Don’t have the where-with-all to send your little buddy into that great Puppy Palace in the sky? Fair enough. There are alternate methods to tame your persnickety pup. For instance, breast feeding. If Fully-loaded is a “Titty-Baby”, as you say, then maybe some good old fashioned positive-reverse-positive psychology is in order. Present to him your swollen breast and see what happens. Is he a biter? Hm. That might present a problem. If not, coo to him while he suckles, perhaps a lullaby your Grand-ma-ma learned during her days taking in abandoned wharf-children in Old New York. This should do the trick.
You’re Welcome, V.O.W.
Dear V.O.W.,
My boyfriend asked me to like his butt while I preformed oral. Does that make him gay? Will I get sick from that?
thanks,
poo-curious in Roger.
Dear Poo Curious,
This is a quandary indeed, but certainly not one V.O.W. isn't familiar with. Although it does bode a question of our own: How long is your tongue, exactly? If you are physically able to lick a butthole while simultaneously swallowing a cock, well, my hats off to you, madam! That's impressive, and with such a mutation, you can't blame your beau for asking. However, buttplay does not necessarily make him gay, unless "Xanadu", Erasure, Pet Shop Boys, or Cher are some of his choices for your nightly anal-fellatings. Is your vagina ignored? Consider this. As to health concerns, licking shitty ass and possibly ingesting human excrement is completely harmless, except for the very real possibility that you will get worms in your brain. This, too, should not be cause for alarm, assuming you don't mind loss of speech, bloody vomit, and liver failure, just to name a few possible symptoms of the Brain Worm By Way of Shit Eating. Seriously, though. Worms will eat your brains.
You’re Welcome, V.O.W.
Please fill in all fields. If you submit without filling in all the fields, right click on the error page and hit back.
by submiting you are agreeing to the terms herin.